Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
