the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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