she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
