So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
