Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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