she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
