she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
