I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
