Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
