If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
