Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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