I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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