If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We had sex on a dog bed..
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
