is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
