Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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