I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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