my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
