I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
