...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
