Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
