If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
