i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
