Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
