ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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