You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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