just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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