I just made out with a guy for $7.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
50% drunk capacity currently
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Randomize
