remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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