You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
