You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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