who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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