i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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