Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
