I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
