Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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