I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
