I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
