Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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