Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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