She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
