mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
