My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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