ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
