do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
