Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in

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(810): View more from Michigan

She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get

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(816): View more from Missouri

Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.

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(208): View more from Idaho

i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.

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(248): View more from Michigan

He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.

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(914): View more from New York

Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?

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(702): View more from Nevada

Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.

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(847): View more from Illinois

we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.

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