im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
