The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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