New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
