haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
