I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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