help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
