I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
