I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
