Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
