Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
