so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
