You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
When are your genitals available?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
